Working Moms Group Lets Business and Family Mix

September 11, 2006

The San Francisco Daily Journal      

      When I made partner, I thought my professional dreams had come true. However, as a single parent, partnership did not lead to the utopia I thought I would live. I now have more responsibility at work, and in my (often miserable) attempts to maintain a successful work-life balance, I failed to find the right sources of assistance in the media, parenting guides or personal time-management self-help books to help me be happy professionally and personally.
      The myriad resources provided tactical recommendations, but did not focus on the emotional toil of juggling two lives, such as the heartache felt from missing key childhood milestones - first steps, first words or first trips to the emergency room; the guilt from canceled client meetings to stay home with a sick toddler; and the sadness that comes with feeling like I am the only one with these feelings.
      While I cannot speak for other working mothers, these feelings were exacerbated for me when my daughter entered kindergarten.
      The transition for my daughter was seamless. I, on the other hand, struggled all year to get her to soccer practice while preparing for a deposition, to schedule a parent-teacher conference at a time when I had no court appearances, and to explain, "mommy simply can't volunteer for lunch duty, honey."
      I also struggled with feeling like an outsider all year - as though all the other parents knew each other and had coffee and did yoga together, but I knew only a small number of parents by name. Added to all that was my guilt for not being able to participate in school life as much as many of the other mothers and the guilt over constantly having to ask other parents to pick up my slack.
      By the end of kindergarten, I had all but given up trying to achieve the work-life balance dream and nearly resigned myself to the fact that our lives would have ups and downs, gives and takes, but certainly not a nice balance between professional and personal demands. But being quite stubborn I refused to give in.
      Over the summer, I compiled a list of all the kindergarten moms who I knew worked outside the home. It turned out that not only was I not alone, but more than 50 percent of the mothers of the class worked. We have lawyers, doctors, accountants, bankers, executives, graphic designers, real estate brokers, professional photographers and even an actress.
      I was certain the other mothers had to struggle as much as I did. I decided to put together a working moms group for the moms of the then first-grade class.
      The response was overwhelming. Our first meeting covered the mythical work-life balance dream. We discussed the realities of succeeding in a career without wanting to travel, of expressing your job dedication even though you've cancelled all your appointments to stay home with a sick child, and of maintaining a healthy relationship when you're utterly exhausted from your other two full-time jobs. Our group was supportive, nonjudgmental and full of good ideas.
      What started out as a support group turned into much more. Not only has the group made me feel more connected and deepened my friendships with other first-grade parents, it also has helped me in my career. For example, my daughter now has regular drivers to ballet and Little League, so I no longer have to sacrifice participating in important client conferences or team meetings to rush out the door. By knowing I have backup, I have been able to take on assignments I otherwise would have shied away from, and I can devote more mental energy to developing my practice.
      Perhaps best of all, my network of professional women in the Bay Area more than doubled, which has allowed me to create business opportunities for several colleagues at my firm.
      I trusted my marketing director and professional coach who pushed me to develop the group. With their help and an understanding, I have proven to myself that business and family regularly mix. Work life and home life appear to be separate worlds, but, as I learned, to be successful in both, one must build networks to trust that work will be completed, children will be taken care of and that new clients are found among your personal friends as well as professional acquaintances.
      As we are about to begin second grade, I look forward to the second year of our mothers working-together group. This year, the group decided to expand to mothers of other classes who are dealing with the same issues, which means that we will expand our networks and our safety net one class further.
     
      Kelly Woodruff is a partner at Farella Braun + Martel in San Francisco. She can be reached at kwoodruff@fbm.com.